Did something go badly at work or did you eat too much food? Did some plans go sideways that made you feel like a failure? Is your apartment a mess or maybe your body doesn’t look the way that you want? 

Usually when we feel shitty it’s because there is something we don’t like that we are identifying with disproportionately. It’s pretty natural to feel like a fat ass after you eat too much chocolate. The problem is you’re making that one thing your entire identity. 

Do you understand that even when you eat an entire chocolate cake you are not just a person that eats chocolate cake? You are also a son or daughter, a friend, a pet parent, a valued coworker, and many other things. You are pretending like this one mistake is all that you are. But this could not be more false. 

If you feel terrible right now, look for the one thing that you are making your entire identity.  Can you see how that’s just one part of who you are? Can you see how parts 1-99 of you are not less important just because part 100 hit a speedbump?

You can unravel this unbalanced negativity by taking actions that reinforce other parts of your identity. 

• You can choose to go for a walk or work out right now to reinforce the healthy/active part of your identity.
• You can call a friend that you care about and talk to them and remind yourself that your friendship with them is part of your identity. 
• You could also clean your apartment or work on a project that’s important to you, because your effectiveness and productivity and talent and those areas are also a part of who you are. 

A mistake in one part of your life does not make you a bad person. If you’re looking at one broken egg and thinking that’s all that you are, pay attention to the rest of the carton. You are far more than this one part of your identity which feels bad right now.

Further Reading: If this post resonated with you then I highly recommend How to Solve Our Human Problems by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso. It does a great job of explaining how our reactions to events are often more harmful than the events themselves, and how to pull out of those downward spirals as they start. Life is hard enough without us adding anger, resentment, and irrational fear into the mix. Let’s treat ourselves better than that.