What Would You Aim for if Happiness Wasn’t an Option?
Most of us wish we had lives like the “put together” people we know. They have the things we want, they don’t have our problems, and we assume their lives must be perfect. We idolize and envy and daydream about a life in that 24/7 content, joyful, and pleasant paradise. Why can’t that be us?…
Metta: Compassion for Child-You Is Easier Than Self-Love for Yourself Today
Being told to “love yourself” never really worked for me. There’s a lot I don’t like about myself. There are things I know I should do better. Why would I love that? I realize self-hatred is a pretty bad way to do things but self-love usually just feels like self-deceit. Sam Harriss’ Waking Up app…
How High Have You Set Your Goal?
What are your ideals? What do you aspire for? Who do you look up to? Who lives a life you want to emulate? These questions are important because our concept of what’s possible drives the effort we apply to get there. If you had never heard a brain surgeon could open up a skull, remove…
Reframing Childhood Trauma as an Adult: Stop Hating Old Life Jackets
Something clicked for me today. I know I’m an overthinker, I know I analyze everything, I know I’m kind of a control freak, always thinking about worst case scenarios. I’m always trying to do everything perfectly and I’m pretty intense about a lot of things. These seemed like separate personality traits though, only recently did…
Compliments From Yesteryear
“You have an adorable little dog who loves you? AND HIS NAME IS GENGHIS KHAN?!” “You explored Mexico for a month while working?? And you watched the Spanish version of Shrek with a cute Latina??” If I could talk to Past Matthew from a few years ago, that is how I think he’d react. Note…
Your Best Life Will Still Be Lonely Sometimes
“I don’t want to keep hanging out with you because your life isn’t going anywhere and I don’t like who I am when I’m around you.” That’s a hard thing to say to someone. It’s also hard to wake up every morning farther and farther away from your goals. One friend wanted to drink and…
Goal Setting: Start With Your Dream and Work Backwards
I see myself standing on my balcony. My tailored scarlet dress shirt fits tightly against my slim waist and strapping shoulders, thanks to finally losing those last 15 pounds. I’m smiling at a text from my loving girlfriend, excited about my new project at work, and my corgi named Genghis Khan leans against my leg,…
If You Had to Enjoy Something About Today, How Would You?
The human mind is hardwired to look for problems. What might go wrong tomorrow? Did I say something today that might have offended someone? Should I find a better job? Spotting potential risks and focusing our attention on them is a survival tactic that helped us a lot in the past; but it also causes…
Writing “NO CANDY” on My Hands Looks Dumb but It Works
Here’s a list of weight loss strategies that didn’t work for me: Mediterranean diet, running, fasting, weight loss bets, accountability systems, CICO, salads, low fat, high fat, meal prep, Ben and Jerry’s diet. The last one is not recommended by most doctors but I tried it anyway, no luck. Here’s what did work for me:…
Letter to Self: Procrastinating a Breakup
I repeat mistakes so often I decided to make a templated letter to myself. Figured it would save time and maybe someone else can fill in the name that applies to their situation and benefit also. DEAR STUPID FUTURE ME, So you’re still putting off breaking up with <Insert name here>, huh? I’m fairly certain…
Dislike Using Affirmations? Try This.
Sometimes people struggle with affirmations because they use awkward ideals instead of commitments to a path. I’m referring to affirmations like “I am a tiger” or “I am powerful,” or other statements that are more of a self-pep talk than an actionable plan. I have not found those to be successful in the past because…
I’m Better Lost
It’s hard to put yourself together after burning down a relationship that wasn’t working. It’s hard to be the new person at a job that doesn’t know anyone or have any credibility yet. It’s hard to be in a new city feeling lonely and alone. Feeling lost in these situations has a double agony. The…
Dear Anxious Thought
You told me the world was going to end today, just like you did yesterday. You told me I said the wrong thing, made the wrong joke, said too much, said too little, acted too eager, acted too cold, should have taken a day off, that I take too many days off. I can’t remember…
How Far Are You Willing to Limp?
How much does it hurt to keep limping like you are? To carry on with all those wounds you haven’t healed? To live day after day carrying so much baggage because you don’t want to face it? I am not trying to attack you. I’ve carried a lot of baggage for miles and miles, but…
Cupid Isn’t Psychic. Let’s Be Intentional About Dating.
“I wish I could make a spreadsheet to organize these Hinge matches and track my notes.” That’s a thought I just had. I’m not joking. While it’s true that I’m a nerd who likes data, this is not a comment about being a player or a mountain of matches. Dating as a liberal in Texas…
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Millennial Anxiety 