Metta: Compassion for Child-You Is Easier Than Self-Love for Yourself Today
Being told to “love yourself” never really worked for me. There’s a lot I don’t like about myself. There are things I know I should do better. Why would I love that? I realize self-hatred is a pretty bad way to do things but self-love usually just feels like self-deceit. Sam Harriss’ Waking Up app…
Goal Setting: Start With Your Dream and Work Backwards
I see myself standing on my balcony. My tailored scarlet dress shirt fits tightly against my slim waist and strapping shoulders, thanks to finally losing those last 15 pounds. I’m smiling at a text from my loving girlfriend, excited about my new project at work, and my corgi named Genghis Khan leans against my leg,…
If You Had to Enjoy Something About Today, How Would You?
The human mind is hardwired to look for problems. What might go wrong tomorrow? Did I say something today that might have offended someone? Should I find a better job? Spotting potential risks and focusing our attention on them is a survival tactic that helped us a lot in the past; but it also causes…
Dislike Using Affirmations? Try This.
Sometimes people struggle with affirmations because they use awkward ideals instead of commitments to a path. I’m referring to affirmations like “I am a tiger” or “I am powerful,” or other statements that are more of a self-pep talk than an actionable plan. I have not found those to be successful in the past because…
I’m Better Lost
It’s hard to put yourself together after burning down a relationship that wasn’t working. It’s hard to be the new person at a job that doesn’t know anyone or have any credibility yet. It’s hard to be in a new city feeling lonely and alone. Feeling lost in these situations has a double agony. The…
How Far Are You Willing to Limp?
How much does it hurt to keep limping like you are? To carry on with all those wounds you haven’t healed? To live day after day carrying so much baggage because you don’t want to face it? I am not trying to attack you. I’ve carried a lot of baggage for miles and miles, but…
Productively Miserable: Why Counting Wins Matters in Self-Improvement
“What parts of my life do I need to work on next? Now I can run 5 miles, but what about 10? What new talent or skill do I need to get to the next level in my career?” Sound familiar? I’ve been gung-ho about self-improvement for the better part of a decade now, and…
I Know It Feels Like Everything Is Falling Apart. Here’s Your Ticket Out.
How long do you sit with your pain? Actually sit with it. Not numbing it with alcohol. Not distracting yourself with mindless dating app swiping, and not practicing mental monologues at those who have wronged you. Do you ever let yourself really feel the pain? Recently I was fuming that someone hadn’t kept me in…
Did Your Father Ever Tell You He Was Proud of You?
That question hurts different people for different reasons. Maybe he is emotionally cold, and words like “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” don’t touch his lips often. Maybe he had different ideas for where your life should go. Maybe he would say it if he could, but he died before he got the…
Cautionary Tale About Seeking the Approval of Others
I got the most insulting compliment on my outfit today. A woman told me that she liked how my shirt fit, that it was a better cut than most other shirts she had seen me wear. The problem is, this shirt was really loose by my standards. I starved myself and worked out like a…
Don’t Mistake Escapism for Living in the Moment
The only woman who ever broke my heart lived completely in the moment. Or at least that’s how it seemed. She lived each day one second at a time, she never turned down a party, she took risks, and she never let an old plan get in the way of life’s spontaneous adventures. I thought…
Generational Progress: They Did the Best They Can, Now It’s Your Turn
Who here thinks their parents did a perfect job of raising them? No one? That’s weird. Okay, who wants to repeat all the same mistakes their parents made when raising their own children? Still nobody? Okay, we can unpack that. This concept is called Generational Progress. Maybe your grandmother beat her children because she never…
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Millennial Anxiety 