If you need to take a mental health day, take it. If you’re at work and you’re struggling to keep it together, go home. If you’re around friends or strangers and it’s overwhelming you and you just need to be alone, excuse yourself.

You don’t have to pretend to be okay. You getting the space or privacy you need to process these feelings is important. You think it would be rude to leave? You think it would be awkward or inconsiderate to ask for something you need?

Pretending to be okay is not good for anyone. The people who are hurting you unconsciously would feel awful if they knew you were suffering. Your emotions are shattered and you need to take care of yourself. When is someone going to take care of you? The people you won’t ask for help? The supportive cat or dog at home you won’t go to because you’re afraid to bail the people you’re with? The only person who could do something, you? It’s like the house is burning down and you keep saying “I don’t need to leave yet, the flames aren’t that hot, the smoke isn’t that thick, I don’t need to get to safety.”

Continuing to pretend that you are okay is not safe. It’s letting yourself fall apart more and more. It’s burning the candle at both ends, it’s deciding to spend life with a broken leg instead of starting to heal. I realize that doing nothing is easier, but this pain won’t get better until you make some changes. And if you’re afraid of people rejecting you because you’re honest that you’re hurting, then I’ll just put this plainly: 

Anyone who rejects you for having human pains should not be in your life anyway. And you can finally lean on those who will fight for you once they know you’re hurting.

In life sometimes we’re in the wrong place, and it bends us until we break. We hang on for as long as possible because we think breaking down means something is wrong with us, when in fact we’re just in the wrong place. Maybe it’s the wrong job, wrong relationship, wrong friends, or wrong city. But it doesn’t feel good. If you feel like you’re about to breakdown, instead of pretending you are okay, look for the misalignment that’s causing this. Fixing that is better than sucking it up and wasting more time in the wrong place.

The real risk is not that people will see how broken we are. The risk is that you’ll think you’re the only one, and choose to suffer alone instead of getting the help you need. Maybe all you need is some time alone or to get out of the stressful place you are. You don’t have to justify your needs. But you should stop pretending you don’t have any. The fire in this house is getting hotter and hotter, and I need you to get out alive. Please stop saying you’re okay when you’re not.

Further Reading: If this resonated with you then I think you should try out Letting go of Shame by Patricia and Ronald Potter-Efron. This is a therapy workbook with tons of prompts and exercises which help you identify emotional pain points and trace root causes. A fun game for my houseguests is to see how many prompts they can read without breaking into tears. Believe me, if you have some old emotional baggage you’re tired of carrying around, this book will help you understand it better and heal the things that have been hurting for so long.