Let’s step out of your perspective for a moment. Put down every fear, every insecurity, every ambition of what you might have become, regret of unmet expectation, every worry of how others feel about you, and every good or bad judgment you’ve ever placed on yourself. Throw them away.

Now zoom out until the whole of the human species fits in your periphery. A massive, complex, coordinated system. Some people contribute to the machine as teachers, preparing the young. Some specialize in skills like construction or business, and feed economic growth. Some support other individuals in the machine through supportive friendships, community service, or even just being kind and helpful to their coworkers. 

Look closely and scan this ocean of humanity for the net positive or negative each one contributes. Don’t think about the inner voice, or self criticisms each person might have. We are only looking from the perspective of this larger machine, which moves and breathes through the actions of the individuals. Some people call this system made up of individuals a “superorganism,” since it is an aggregate made up of many organisms. 

The superorganism perspective is more generous than the individual’s. You might be disappointed about your career, weight, or love life, but those disappointments cost nothing at the higher level. The superorganism sees how you lift up my friends and coworkers, how you participate in the economy and don’t weaken the system through crime or injury to other members. We make mistakes of course, but the end result is typically net positive. 

The greater perspective holds no bitterness about possibilities that didn’t go as hoped. It cares about the net result. Humanity doesn’t hate you for your dream that never came to fruition. It sees the things you did do. What you finished, who you helped, the difference you made. And even if you did little but that effect was positive, then you contributed to the bigger picture. 

Would it be helpful to you to take on this larger perspective? Why should you hold resentment or anger for the things that didn’t work out, if no one else sees those and your net result was still positive? Aren’t your actual results more important than what you thought you could do yesterday? Why are you holding onto old visions of how you wanted life to go? Why does that regret keep you from enjoying the moment you’re in? 

That inner voice is not a bad thing. It is by following it as a compass that we become our best selves. Just remember we are pulled in many directions, and the best we can do is a balance between many goals. Ten things in your life are asking for 50% of you right now. Some of them will get it, some will not. That does not mean you did anything wrong – the positive results you end up producing are still a win. 

Escape the individual perspective that only sees “what I was asked for and what I produced.” Look at the bigger picture of “net result of this individual’s contributions.” It’s probably a positive picture. That means the world is better because you are here, and you should remember that.