Do you think hiding bad news from other people is helping them? There’s a tornado on the way and you think hiding that fact is a nice thing to do? 

What gives you the fucking right? They have one life to live. They can’t get today back and because of you they spent it walking towards a cliff. You know the cliff is there. You know this painful truth is going to surface. And yet you hold your hands over their eyes and say everything is okay. All under the guise of not wanting to hurt them. You don’t sound like a saint to me.

Maybe it’s not obvious right now, but caring for other people means being honest with them. You don’t have to protect their feelings, that’s not required. You see, they are their own person. Their feelings are their responsibility, not yours. So give them the facts. Tell them the truth. If you need to break up with them or move to another city or do something that affects them, do not hide that. This is not just about you. You don’t want to upset them because that makes your life uncomfortable. You aren’t even thinking about the changes they might need to make or what’s best for them. Them getting upset is the first step they need to take towards the right path for them. Stop lying to people just because their reaction will inconvenience you.

The only daughter of time is truth. This will come out, and it’ll be ugly sooner or later. The only thing that putting it off does is wasting their time and yours. They deserve better.

What kind of life are you even living now? How does it feel to hold all of this inside? To play a part because you have to keep up the lie you’re telling them? How much anxiety do you feel about this truth you need to tell? You’re doing this to yourself. You’re the one with all the cards. All you need to do is put them on the table and let the other person play their turn. I know it’s scary and this is going to be a shit show. But putting it off is not making it better.

It’s true this is what’s best for you, but I’m pleading with you from their perspective. They don’t know they’re not getting the truth, so I’m fighting for them. For the person you’re holding back. For the person who isn’t getting to make their own decisions because you’ve kept them in the dark. For the future they need to work towards, and you’re standing in the way. Stop telling yourself that you’re doing this out of kindness. You’re doing it because you’re scared. You’re scared of the fight, you’re scared of the tears, you’re scared of letting someone down. But you can’t hide from this forever, and the sooner it’s over the sooner you can find your own path too. 

This is not where you want to be. And I can’t do it for you but I can say it one more time. Hiding the truth from others is not helping them. Their feelings are not your responsibility. You need to be honest with them and let them make their own informed decisions. They deserve the truth and you’re not helping anyone by hiding it from them. They can recover from a painful truth, but not until you give it to them. It’s time.

Further reading: If this post resonated with you then you should read Letting Go of Shame by Patricia and Ronald Potter-Efron. Many of our decisions at the core are motivated by shame. This book has lots of exercises that help you unpack old shame and process new shame in a more healthy way. That way you can be in the driver’s seat, not just your fear, guilt and shame.