It’s ridiculous that self-improvement can sometimes make us feel worse about ourselves, but here we are. You’re reading this because you relate, and I wrote it because it happened to me. Let’s talk about a better way.

Experiment. Take small bites. Try things. But always use the lens of “is this helping me enjoy life more?” And sometimes good workouts or learning new things can make you sore or be uncomfortable at the time. But I’m talking about how you feel after the fact. Does it add meaning to your life? Are you less depressed when you workout once a day for 20 minutes? Do you feel less anxiety on days that you meditate? Do you find good information or inspiration when you read daily?

I’m just trying to say that if your self-improvement efforts make you miserable, take a step back.

Example. There are 99999 different articles and write-ups on how you should workout, each with different instructions. I got so sick of searching for the perfect advice that I made a simple bodyweight workout with lunges/squats/abs one day and pullups/chinups/pushups the next. That’s it. Is it a completely optimized workout? Most definitely not. But I think it’s fun, I can do it every day, and it makes me feel healthy and strong the rest of the day. I’m not shredded, but workouts make my life better, not worse.

I know you want to be more fit. I know you want a better job or a girlfriend/boyfriend or more friends. These are all good goals and I think self-improvement can add a lot to your life. But do it in a way that you can enjoy the journey – because the journey is all there is. Once you get what you’re after you’ll start chasing something else, so don’t make yourself miserable grinding. Find sustainable ways to work on your goals and don’t put so much pressure on yourself to do everything perfectly.

I don’t care what future version of yourself you want to get to. Making yourself miserable today is the wrong move. Whatever you’re doing, do it smaller, do it slower, do it differently, or do something else. If self-improvement is making you miserable then it’s not an improvement.

The point is not to strive until someday you deserve to be happy. The point is to enjoy each small step, and take a step every day. You don’t have to earn the right to enjoy your life. You can do it now, and the sooner you do it the better.

Further Reading: If this post resonated with you, I think you’d get a lot out of the Waking Up meditation app by Sam Harriss. I did a lot of miserable self-improvement on autopilot before I was mindful enough to realize what parts weren’t working. This app teaches mindfulness really well, and your quality of life will improve once you can separate what is working and what’s not, and let go of the latter.