I was winning quite the mental argument this morning. I do this with my evil coworker frequently – let’s call him Mr. Asshole. I rehearsed speeches proving the disaster at work wasn’t my fault. I thought about the clever insults I could use to make the other guy look bad. I even imagined myself taking the high road (mostly because I thought that would piss them off more). It’s like I was a 5 year-old imagining myself as a NFL star. Epic victory, crowds cheering, and swimming in the tears of my enemies.

And then I realized I had been daydreaming about this for hours. I realized I hadn’t really been thinking about my workout, I hadn’t noticed any of the trees in the park during my walk, and I even carried my day dream with me into the shower. So much time I couldn’t get back, time I traded away for nothing.

That stung even more because I spent this time thinking about someone I absolutely despise. These were people I would not pull into a boat even if sharks were chasing them. I wouldn’t donate a penny to their gofundme even to save their house. That’s how I feel about these people. Yeah, I’m salty. And yet I gave up hours in this fantasy? Time I could have spent playing video games, or playing with a cute dog. Instead I was pretending to win an argument? My enemies might do evil things, but clearly I was doing stupid things.

The visualization of donating a penny was kind of a wake up call. I tried to imagine pulling out my wallet and handing Mr. Asshole a $20 bill. It felt horrible. He was sneering and stuffing it into his pocket and thanking me in the most gleeful tone imaginable. I felt gross and dirty and exploited, like something was being taken from me even though I had given the money freely. That’s basically what I was doing with my time. I was giving it to someone I hated, and it was much more valuable than $20.

I tried this visualization with several other people I dislike and the pattern was the same. Visualizing Mr Asshole and his compatriots taking my money was like a cold shower. The idea was so repugnant that it halted the train of thought completely. It was clear that giving them time was worse than money, and I let the day dream go. Did my mind wander back to the drama at work eventually? Of course, but I repeated this strategy and stopped much sooner than usual.

Do you think this could help you also? Are there mental arguments you have on a regular basis? Even if you’re winning those arguments in your head, you’re losing time you could spend doing things that make you happy, things that make your life better, or spending time with people you care about. I have a strong feeling you don’t want to give money to your version of Mr. Asshole. So don’t give them more of your time either.

Further Reading: If this post resonated with you then I think you would benefit from How to Solve Our Human Problems by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso. It does a really good job of analyzing common unhelpful patterns we fall into and showing you how to break out of them. It’s written in plain English, and I liked that it had specific advice I could follow to make positive changes in my life.

Note: This was written some time ago and I have since left the company, much to the benefit of my mental health. Don’t underestimate how much 8-10 hours of daily stress/anxiety can affect you. Leaps of faith to a new job can be scary, but my life is so much better now. If you’re waiting for a sign to do the same, maybe this is it.