Switching jobs is kind of like a bad breakup. Things aren’t great but you’re comfortable. Your friends talk about all the nice things their new boss does for them, how excited they are about the future, how appreciated they feel. Then you look back at your job. Your boss hasn’t said thank you the last 5 times they took credit for your work. You are doing so much more than your fair share but everytime you bring it up it gets brushed off. At least bad relationships sometimes have good sex – if that’s the case with your job then first of all high five, second of all you still need a new job lol.

Being in the wrong job or relationship for too long is dangerous. Not just because you’re wasting time, but because instead of thinking “This is a bad fit for me” you think “There is something wrong with me.” Einstein said fish shouldn’t be judged on their ability to climb trees, but if the fish tries to do it for too long he’ll think there’s something wrong with him..

I am a very analytical person. I love math and spreadsheets and I’m really good at them. But when I tried to be a manager for a year and struggled with all the people stuff it felt awful. I forgot there were things I was good at because I never got to do them, I didn’t get good feedback from supervisors, and I didn’t enjoy the work. It’s hard to work on confidence and self acceptance when you feel like a failure 8 hours each day.

When I was younger I thought there was an optimal career progression and I needed to fit into that mold. It didn’t work. Now that I’m older I realize there’s a ton of jobs and they all need slightly different things. There’s not one optimal answer. And if you don’t fit where you are then it doesn’t always mean there’s something wrong with you. And to absorb those negative feelings and let failure define you is incredibly damaging. I don’t want that to happen to you.

The good news I just started a new job. It’s very technical, I’m getting positive feedback, and I don’t have to do all the things that I disliked about my old job. There are good fits out there for your skillset, and they feel so much better than a round peg and square hole. Please be aware of the real emotional cost of staying in the wrong job. How do you act on a first date after getting beat down at work all day? How are you around friends and family? You can’t just shake off that kind of negativity. Your job shouldn’t make you stop believing in yourself. Just like a relationship shouldn’t make someone feel like they are worthless. 

We have to pay close attention to how our jobs and relationships affect our self image. No human being is worthless. We just have to find the right fit. And if you stay in the wrong relationship or job for too long then you’ll start to see yourself as a failure just because you don’t fit in this one spot. It’s not easy to break up, and it’s not easy to job hunt, but it’s also not easy to keep living like this. I promise things can get better. I hope soon you’ll stop putting yourself in places that make you feel like you’re a failure. You’re just a fish that will feel much better when it stops trying to climb trees.

Further Reading: If this post resonated with you then I think you’d benefit from Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson. It’s a book on how to recognize change is necessary, how to prepare for it emotionally, and how to leave old things behind that don’t serve us anymore. Change is hard, but different results require different choices. And I think you’re ready for something better, aren’t you?