I overthink every social interaction, but that also makes me a considerate friend who people appreciate for being thoughtful. I get anxious when I don’t feel productive, but that also helps me accomplish more in 24 hours than a lot of people I know. Most of my weaknesses are the dark side of a two-sided coin. Those weaknesses have a light side too – what are yours?

We need to answer this question so we view ourselves fairly. If all I saw was social overthinking and anxiety about how much I accomplished, I would feel like a total wreck. I would assume I was doing everything wrong and my self-esteem would plummet. But does it make sense to give me no credit for maintaining good relationships and being productive? Not really.

The ultimate goal, in my opinion, is to accept ourselves where we are while still taking steps forward where we can. Self-hatred is counterproductive, conditional self-acceptance isn’t acceptance at all, and complacency is not the road to your best life. Taking all of those off the table means we need to give ourselves credit for what we do right while still being honest about what we can improve.

That’s why I want you to look for both sides of your own coin. Maybe you have struggled financially in the past, but that taught you lots of frugality skills your friends don’t have. Maybe opening up to people is very difficult for you, but you’re also incredibly self-sufficient because you never wanted to depend on anyone. Whatever your story is, your weaknesses and strengths are probably very intertwined. 

Understanding brings acceptance, acceptance brings compassion, and compassion brings growth. Hating yourself brings none of this. Instead of yelling at your crutch, you can get physical therapy and learn to walk again. Resenting my own insecurity and anxiety did nothing to fix it. Getting help processing the trauma that created those feelings did. Please take some time to see yourself in three dimensions; you won’t like the ending of your story if you can only see yourself as the bad guy.

Further Reading: If this post resonated with you, I think you would benefit a lot from Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff, PhD. Dr. Neff’s research shows how mindfulness can help us arrest unhelpful thought patterns, put the struggle in a proper 3-dimensional context, and focus on growth instead of perfection. This opens doors for growth that self-critical thought patterns don’t, and I hope it can help you as much as it helped me.