My therapist told me to get a cat. I didn’t understand why until I got into my next relationship. And when it got worse and worse, and when kept putting off the breakup, I realized if I’d had a nice cat at home I wouldn’t mind not having a partner. Partners and cats are not the same things, mind you, but it does raise the bar on what you’re willing to put up with. 

When I’m on a bad date and I know that I can sit at home with a cat and read a nice book and have a lovely evening, any person I take on a date has more to compete with. This is probably not very insightful or helpful to most, but people who really hate being alone put up with shitty partners to get away from painful thoughts. 

You’ll find the needle in the haystack of love faster when you stop giving each piece of straw 3 dates…or weeks…or years. You don’t want to do that again, do you? Life is too short to waste months or years with the wrong people just to avoid being alone. 

Once I had a pet that I enjoyed being with, I learned to start putting myself first more often. This is because I had something that I wanted and enjoyed for myself. It’s better to run towards joy than away from pain.

Clearly getting a cat or dog won’t fix you. You’ll still have negative thoughts, and pet ownership shouldn’t be taken lightly. But ask yourself how much bullshit you put up with. Ask yourself how much you enjoy pets and if you could give one a better life than being in a shelter. If those questions are answered like mine were, then you might find owning a pet raises your standards significantly. And it’s by raising your standards that you can filter through bad matches faster and find the partner that adds the most to your life. 

Don’t settle for “less bad than being alone.” Someone you share your life with is not the area where you want a low bar.