There are two traps most people fall into with non-acceptance. 

• Active Non-Acceptance is a self-hatred fueled work marathon
• Passive Non-Acceptance is reclusive miserable isolation. 

Both of those label where we are as inadequate or unsatisfactory. One grasps erratically for reasons to feel better and one crawls in a hole to hide. Do you feel called out yet?

I learned this the hard way. I can’t get back all those dark nights alone that I judged myself as not worthy. I can’t get back the damage to my health from working myself to death to become “good enough.” 

Are you tired of chasing what you think will fix you? Tired of emotional self-mutilation to cut out the broken parts? Then let’s talk about acceptance, it has active and passive paths too, both better than Non-Acceptance.

• Active Acceptance is working on goals while accepting where you are. That’s calmly doing your best without your self-worth depending on the outcome. You aren’t burning yourself out because you don’t have to prove you’re “good enough”. You accept what is and simply take steps to improve things, without conditional self-worth attached to the result.
• Passive Acceptance is a rest day without guilt. That’s being mindful and present. You’re not bitterly resenting your situation or shaming yourself for resting. You’re taking stock of what is and appreciating it without labeling it as good or bad. You get to experience what is instead of fussing over what you think it should be. 

Acceptance is always an option, and it’s far more healthy than non-acceptance. You can alternate between the active and passive paths to fulfill your potential without burnout. Acceptance lets you enjoy the journey of life instead of waiting until the finish line. None of us know where our finish line actually is, and it is foolish to choose not to enjoy the only part we have for sure – today. 

Do you think acceptance is a weakness? Sugar coated codeword for “accomplishing less”? Ask yourself why appreciating life is less important than a finish line. Ask yourself how much that finish line will be worth on your deathbed. If you think you can’t enjoy life until you reach your goals, I’m sorry but accomplishing them won’t make you feel less broken. Accepting yourself is a decision you have to make right now, unconditionally. It’s really hard to get the most out of life while you’re convinced there’s something wrong with you – so stop believing that. Chasing conditional self-worth hides the wound that makes you feel broken, it doesn’t heal it. If you don’t believe me, think about the last finish line you thought would “fix you.” It didn’t work, did it?

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re giving up, and it’s not something you have to earn. It’s realizing that hating where you are doesn’t move you forward. It’s realizing you’ll never be perfect, and waiting on a finish line to accept yourself is wasting time you can’t get back.

The only time you’ll ever feel “good enough” is when you give yourself permission. Finish lines can’t do that for you, but acceptance can. 

Further Reading: If this post resonated with you then I highly recommend reading How to Solve Our Human Problems by Kelsang Gyatso. It does a great job of laying out the negative patterns many of us fall into and giving simple troubleshooting advice for our emotions. Often the answer is simple once we know what we’re doing wrong, we have to get outside of our own heads to know that. This book can do that for you, just like it did for me.