There’s a lot of dating life hacks and seduction pseudoscience peddled as quick fixes for a lonely life, and not only is it disingenuine and gross, it also doesn’t work. In my experience, it was investments I made in improving my life that had the biggest impact on dating anyway. You can’t memorize a pickup line that works on every date, but becoming the best version of yourself will open doors in all areas of your life – including dating.

Part 1: What to improve, and why

• Communication: People like it when you seem interested in their lives, ask good follow-up questions, and are a good listener. Best book for learning this is: “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. Ignore the corny title, this book will massively help your career and teach you how to successfully navigate any social situation, including dating.
• Hobbies: Hobbies help us find community, make friends, and prevent us from staying in our own head too long (last one is very important). Having a few hobbies you are excited about helps on dates because enthusiasm is attractive. Invest here to have a more well-rounded life, and the side benefit is you’ll seem more interesting on dates.
• Health: Feeling awful everytime you look in the mirror is not fun (I know from experience). Being sick or injured or physically weak isn’t fun either. Learning about nutrition and finding a sustainable exercise program is 100% worthwhile just for those reasons, but of course being fit also helps confidence and physical attraction.

Focusing on these three will make your life better in a thousand ways. The benefits will continue long after you find someone special. I’m not trying to sell you a Sex Panther colonge. Following a script to get a date is dishonest and ineffective in the long term. Become the best version of yourself to connect with the right person for the right reasons.

Part 2: When are you ready?

The bad news is you can’t wait to date until your life is perfect and you feel completely ready – that day doesn’t exist. The good news is you can be so scared your hands are shaking and still DM someone an invite to get coffee. You don’t have to feel ready to click send. 

The thing is, the person you’re going on a date with isn’t a flawless greek god with complete confidence either. They are a person. They have insecurities, worries, fears, doubts, and flaws. Sometimes they feel like a screw-up, just like you do. So don’t think you have be perfect before you ask them to get coffee. Don’t think you have to be “good enough” before you tell them you like them. 

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t change or there isn’t room to improve. But one more sit up won’t make the difference on whether your soulmate spots you or not. You can grow together, you can learn from each other, and if you can accept yourself as you are today and accept that they aren’t perfect either, then it’s time to shoot your shot. There’s no guarantee that it’ll work, but there’s also no reason to wait. If it’s meant to work out, then it will. If this person would only date you if you had a six pack or high paying job, then they don’t want you for the right reasons anyway. You want someone who wants you for you.

So I encourage you to invest in the best version of yourself, and don’t wait forever to see what is out there. Your future partner is sitting nervously at a table on a date with the wrong person right now. They are imperfect and shooting their shot, and you just need to go out there and take a chance with them too. They want the best version of the real you, not the fantasy pseudoscience lifehack version of you that you think you have to become. Don’t make them wait forever.