I’m a planner. I like doing research, making spreadsheets, to-do lists, and have an optimized daily schedule with my top 8 self-care routines. I’ve also been called boring, monotonous, robotic, and “sloth-like,” most of those from women I was dating. Ouch. And those criticisms made me assume there was something wrong with me, even though I feel my best when following my routines. This post is a reminder that every person is a casting director for the roles of their own life story. A wide variety of performances will be asked of us, and we can’t forget we’re a lot more than the roles you play in other people’s lives.

There are people trying to fill the roles of “reliable provider, supportive friend, and entertaining hype man” all in one. Others wouldn’t like that combo at all, and prefer “spontaneous adventurer, freelancer, free spirit.” Some employers want “uncomplicated rule follower”, while others require “initiative taker who challenges status quo.” Different companies and friends and lovers and social circles all want different things from us. And our performance in those roles determines how well we fit in, how much they appreciate us, and what opportunities we can unlock if we fit in.

Sometimes you want to upgrade roles, and that means disappointing or upsetting someone who still wants us to play a role in their life. But when we are pulled in different directions, it is imperative to know this says more about the things pulling us than it says about us. We are not defective because our new demanding work role creates distance between high school friends stuck in the same roles they’ve always had. If we get put in a poor-fitting role at work, bad performance is a reflection of that mismatch, not our worth as an individual. People view you through the lens of the role they want you to play. Some roles are a bad fit, and we shouldn’t internalize that as a personal failure.

Am I a boring, monotonous, sloth-like robot because my exes said I was? Maybe, but more importantly I auditioned for a role that didn’t fit me. Taking it personally is a waste of time. Instead we need to go audition for roles that fit us better.

All roles require different attributes, skills, focuses, investments, and values. Many, many of them cannot be mixed without driving you crazy. So pay close attention to what role you’re being asked to play and if it is a good fit for you or not. Do not internalize any roles that don’t fit you. If someone is not in the mood for a peach, and you’re the best peach in the whole world, they’re probably not going to like you very much. That’s not your fault. So don’t feel like you’re a screw-up just because someone doesn’t like peaches.

Of course you can learn new roles, acquire new skills, and become great fits for things that you’re not a great fit for now. Go wild, learn as much as you can, and get outside your comfort zone if it’s a meaningful journey to a place you want to go. I’m just saying that there are some journeys that will never fit your nature, and I don’t think you should make yourself miserable trying to fit into an unnatural role. There are roles out there that fit you very well, and people who would value and appreciate you for playing them. Some partners and some jobs like peaches, and you could be their peach.

Title quote credit: Dita Von Teese