How many times have you tried to change who you are? How many books have you read? How many times have you forced yourself to do things you hate? How many times have you done things because other people said they were important, and you hated it and got nothing out of it?

I ask because I’m tired. I am an introvert with anxiety and severe mood swings. I need alone time to recharge, I worry about everything even though my life is comfortable, and I have many dark moments even when life is fine. I have put in a lot of work to address these issues. It’s not working.

At some point, I think acceptance is the only option we have left. There’s some things that can be learned. There’s some techniques that can help us navigate life better. And there’s some things we can’t change. Clearly chemical interventions are appropriate if advised by a professional, but my therapist has given other guidance. She says that when you have severe trauma like I do, you can’t expect to see daisies every day. You can have a full, rich life, but you will have scars too. Some scars never go away.

So here I am, emotions in turmoil despite life being fine, and I’m thinking about acceptance. Are you in this boat too? Are you disgusted by emotions that you can’t get rid of? Are you taxed by anxiety which follows you everywhere you go? Have you tried everything in the book and you’re still stuck with this same misshapen mind you never asked for?

We might have to just accept it. Not because it’s what we want, not because it’s what we deserve, but because accepting it is easier than fighting it. That doesn’t mean we’re happy we’re screwed up. It just means a different reaction on hard days. It means to pause during the storm, wipe the rain out of our eyes, remind ourselves not all pain is punishment, and keep marching forward. It means stop yelling at the rain storm because the rain storm doesn’t listen to us. It means keep your eyes on the road because you want to get somewhere better and some people don’t have to drive through the rain but you do.

We don’t get to pick rain or sunshine. The trauma that happened to us wasn’t our fault. The scars it left aren’t something we can get rid of completely. The road we’re driving is harder for us because of this rain. The consequences of autopilot are worse for us. Some people have straighter roads without rain. Not because they are better than us – it’s just how life is. We shouldn’t hate them or hate the rain or hate ourselves. That doesn’t help us. We just need to focus on moving forward.

I have spent so much time yelling at my rain cloud. I’ve tried to cut out my scars, I’ve blamed my trauma and I’ve screamed at other people on sunnier roads. Nothing helped. I’m still here. The rain is still pouring, and nothing I’ve done has changed that. The only thing that has helped is continuing to move forward. It’s still raining every day. I’m still covered in scars. But I’m much closer to where I want to go now.

My point is just that you get to choose how to respond to this. The rain, the scars, the curvy road, none of that is up to you. I’m terribly sorry, but you’ll probably always be driving through this rain storm. The road will not ever be straight and easy for you. The choice you have is “Do I want to hate it or not?” 

Acceptance does not mean it’s fair. It doesn’t mean you’re happy. It doesn’t mean this is what you asked for or what you deserve. It just means you’re done yelling at the rain cloud. It means moving forward is more important than complaining about things you can’t change. It doesn’t mean this is where you want to be, it just means you admit this is where you are.