Being told to “love yourself” never really worked for me. There’s a lot I don’t like about myself. There are things I know I should do better. Why would I love that? I realize self-hatred is a pretty bad way to do things but self-love usually just feels like self-deceit.

Sam Harriss’ Waking Up app is changing that a little, though. He has guided metta meditations, which are essentially focusing on compassionate thoughts to calm the mind and replace negative thoughts with caring and hopeful ones. That compassion isn’t just aimed at other people, it’s also compassion for ourselves. Sam acknowledges that many people struggle to feel love for themselves, and offers this strategy: imagine yourself as a child, knowing all the pain and difficulty your younger self would eventually face. Now send compassion towards that unprepared youth you once were.

For me, this is a thousand times easier. Young Matthew had a hell of a rough road ahead. Many years of struggle and panic attacks in school. Years of having no friends and hiding during school lunch so I didn’t look so weird and alone. Dream jobs that turned me down, painful breakups, being alone in a new city, jobs that I hated. It wasn’t an easy path. Young Matthew was just a quiet little kid without any tools or training on how to handle the road ahead. I had to train myself the hard way, one painful mistake at a time. Who wouldn’t feel compassion for that path? Was your path pretty similar?

And I’m 30 now, but would 50-year-old Matthew see where I am today any differently? There’s still so much I don’t know. So many mistakes I’m sure I’ll still make and painful disappointments I’ll have to learn from. I might resent the mistakes I make and the weaknesses I wish I didn’t have, but 50-year-old Matthew might be more kind. He might see more of the effort I’m putting in, the good things that will come out of it, and he would know things will turn out okay. Just like I know that about 10-year-old Matthew.

Does the young version of you disappoint you as much as the reflection you see in the mirror? Is it as hard to feel love or compassion for that young child marching into painful and awkward teen years? Ponder this a bit. Hating who we are today is not healthy. I know because I still do it sometimes. But I think we can use Sam’s trick to feel authentic compassion towards ourselves, even if it’s a younger version. We can remember that this will look different in retrospect. We can feel the warmth and tenderness towards ourselves that usually we only offer others.

You’re not that different from 10-year-old you. You’re still doing the best you can. You’re still learning some things the hard way. Please try to feel kindness for what will come to younger you. Think of the comforting words you’d tell yourself about the coming struggles. And realize that all those feelings and support apply to you today just as much.