Irrational core beliefs are conclusions about life that keep us from growing emotionally, usually projecting a few experiences far beyond their original context. A few examples are listed below:

• I should never burden others with my problems or fears.
• I do not deserve positive attention from others.
• I have so many problems, I might as well give up right now.
• I am uncreative, nonproductive, ineffective, and untalented.
• I am worthless.
• I am powerless to solve my problems.
• Admitting to a mistake or to failure is a sign of weakness.
• The showing of any kind of emotion is wrong, a sign of weakness, and not allowable.
• Asking for help from someone else is a way of admitting your weakness; it denies the reality that only you can solve your problems.
• There are always two choices: right or wrong; black or white; win or lose; pass or fail; grow or stagnate.
• I am the ugliest, most unattractive, unappealing, fat slob in the world.
• People are out to get whatever they can from you; you always end up being used.
• There is a loser in every fight, so avoid fights at all costs.

Do any of those resonate with you? What decisions do you make, or what doors in life seem closed to you because of those beliefs? The problem with irrational core beliefs is, well, they’re irrational. Nothing in the list above could be objectively true, but believing something can make you do things that reinforce the belief. Like isolating yourself because you don’t think your friends would want to see you; the isolation then creates distance that wasn’t there before. Or low feelings of self worth pulling you into unhealthy relationships; further lowering your sense of self worth.

I do not have a magic bullet for this, honestly I’m pretty early in the journey myself. I’m just trying to notice the irrational thoughts sooner so they don’t steal as much of my day as before. Recognizing them is kind of like realizing you got on the wrong train. It gives you a chance to get off the wrong train, figure out where you are, and start walking the right way home. You still have a long way to walk, but at least you’re going the right direction now.

Using meditation to build mindfulness has been surprisingly effective – big thanks to Sam Harris’ Waking Up App, it’s a life saver! You notice your thoughts more, and then you can decide if you want to stay on the train or not. That’s probably the best we can do. The thoughts will always come, but with practice maybe next time they won’t stay as long.

I’d also like to point out that these beliefs are often outdated survival techniques. Someone that grew up in an emotionally volatile household needs to keep emotional walls up to protect themselves. Someone who got abandoned by caretakers probably learned to minimize their burden on others, so that it wouldn’t happen again. Your irrational core belief is not your enemy. It’s just an old crutch that doesn’t fit anymore.

If you find it holding you back today then maybe it’s time to start noticing where these trains of thought usually take you. Is it somewhere you want to keep going? It can seem scary to put down these familiar survival techniques, believe me I know. But I’ve been on this train a long time and the life I want isn’t getting closer. I’m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Aren’t you?

Additional Resource: The Self Authorship program is quite helpful to chart out the chapters of your life and trace where irrational beliefs came from. The epochs of our life usually blur together unconsciously, but outlining them consciously is how you learn to put down old crutches. I thought I was a great employee who kept ending up in bad relationships. The Self Authorship program showed me I desperately seek validation through recognition at work and was dating anyone who would pay attention to me. That’s a different picture! And it ushered me to work on the self worth issues that drove both destructive behaviors. Thoughtfully writing out your history can tell you which trains you need to stop riding.

Credit: Examples of irrational core beliefs were copied from the NC State University Counseling Center website. If you search for “Irrational Core Beliefs” their page is the first result. It’s a great read, and has more information and examples for those who are interested. Many people struggle with these issues. We’re not alone and there’s a lot of great resources out there if you’re ready to make some changes.