This is a life hack to deal with people who piss you off. Let’s take for example someone who goes off the rails during a meeting. They attack others unfairly, chew people out, and make everyone else less productive.

You could say they are a bad person if you want to. You could say they are stupid or mean, and you might be right. But I don’t think that’s helpful. What is more accurate is to say they are just trying to feel okay. Some people have very few tools to work with, and when feeling threatened they will get defensive, lash out, and do anything to avoid feeling small. That’s a terrible approach, and clearly it doesn’t work well. But their ego is fragile, they want to feel okay, and this is all they know.

It’s not okay that they do this, let me be clear. It’s immature, cruel, and unhelpful. But you taking their behavior personally is unhelpful as well. It’s not about you. Their anger is just the only tool they have to protect their pain, fear, or vulnerability. You probably have more tools than they do. So be the bigger person.

When people start to make you angry or frustrate you, just remind yourself: “They are just trying to feel okay, and they don’t have many tools to work with.” Maybe if they were better they could respectfully respond to pressure, or be less defensive, or not need to attack others to feel strong. But that’s not the case. They feel cornered and they are acting like an asshole because anger is the only tool they have. 

That’s on them. That is their response, their limitation, their life. And you have your life. Do the best you can and don’t take other people’s failure personally. To take the attack personally when they are defending their ego is a waste of time and energy. Set boundaries where you need to, stand up to lies when needed, but do not hate this person. That doesn’t help anybody. They are drowning because they don’t know how to swim and they are clawing at anything they can find to stay above the water. It makes sense. They don’t know how to swim but that should be cause for pity, not anger.

So zoom out and see the full picture. Realize other people have limitations, insecurities, weaknesses, baggage, scars, fears, and flaws. But don’t waste energy resenting toddlers for having tantrums. That’s all this is.

Are you ready to be the bigger person? They are humans too. And their best is not perfect but it shouldn’t stop you from doing your best. You don’t have to forgive their behavior, but holding so much hatred and anger feels like shit. You want more for yourself than that, don’t you?