Category: Relationships
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Your Best Life Will Still Be Lonely Sometimes
“I don’t want to keep hanging out with you because your life isn’t going anywhere and I don’t like who I am when I’m around you.” That’s a hard thing to say to someone. It’s also hard to wake up every morning farther and farther away from your goals. One friend wanted to drink and…
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Letter to Self: Procrastinating a Breakup
I repeat mistakes so often I decided to make a templated letter to myself. Figured it would save time and maybe someone else can fill in the name that applies to their situation and benefit also. DEAR STUPID FUTURE ME, So you’re still putting off breaking up with <Insert name here>, huh? I’m fairly certain…
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Cupid Isn’t Psychic. Let’s Be Intentional About Dating.
“I wish I could make a spreadsheet to organize these Hinge matches and track my notes.” That’s a thought I just had. I’m not joking. While it’s true that I’m a nerd who likes data, this is not a comment about being a player or a mountain of matches. Dating as a liberal in Texas…
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Advice Column: Growing Apart From Old Friends
Sometimes people ask for advice on Reddit, and I try to help. Sharing the question and my response here in case anyone else is going through something similar. I’m 20F, currently not in school and unemployed. I don’t know where to begin but I feel alone. I have friends but I feel alone around them.…
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Support Letter for a Transgender Friend
A friend of mine told me they were transitioning and it was important to me that they know I would support them no matter what and they weren’t alone. I wrote this letter for them and I’m sharing it here in case anyone else needs to hear these words too. Dear Avery, We haven’t gotten…
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What Would You Do if Other People’s Feelings Didn’t Matter?
What would you do if other people’s feelings didn’t matter? If it was just up to you. Other people’s feelings do matter of course, but they shouldn’t make you forget your own. To combat this we can make an “if only” list and think about only your wants. Forget offending people, annoying them, disappointing, hurting…
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You Can Be the Ripest, Juiciest Peach in the World, and There’s Still Going to Be Somebody Who Hates Peaches.
I’m a planner. I like doing research, making spreadsheets, to-do lists, and have an optimized daily schedule with my top 8 self-care routines. I’ve also been called boring, monotonous, robotic, and “sloth-like,” most of those from women I was dating. Ouch. And those criticisms made me assume there was something wrong with me, even though…
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Why Do You Put Yourself Last?
What do you usually get in return, when you put yourself last? When you give up your plans, your needs, and put other people first time and time again? Do they appreciate it? Are they always there for you like you are for them? These questions might sting, but I think they are worth asking…
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Some People Can’t Be Saved
How many nights have you stayed awake worrying about someone you’re trying to save? How many times were you so anxious about them you couldn’t eat? How many long texts did you send or nights did you stay up for hours on the phone trying to do the right thing? How many hundreds of hours…
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Breakups Aren’t Failures
A relationship ending because two people cannot be happy together is not failure. Ending the relationship because they want different things, or because both people’s needs cannot be met isn’t failure – it’s actually progress. That’s facing the reality that the relationship can’t work and moving on. Failure is a relationship continuing to exist when…
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Unlearning “If You’re Not Likable, You Have to Be Useful”
Is it hard to say no, when someone asks you for help? Is it hard to ask others for help, in your darkest moments? Are you afraid people will abandon you if you inconvenience them? Yeah…me too. I’m a people pleaser. I love being helpful and I never ask anyone for anything…I thought that’s what…
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Life Lessons from Hamilton: Acceptance
I absolutely love the musical Hamilton, and these lines from the protagonist’s wife hit me like a sack of bricks. Her husband is relentlessly working all the time, obsessed with the goals he has, and never able to slow down. Look around, look around Look at where you are Look at where you started The…
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Self Improvement, Dating, and How to Know When You’re Ready
There’s a lot of dating life hacks and seduction pseudoscience peddled as quick fixes for a lonely life, and not only is it disingenuine and gross, it also doesn’t work. In my experience, it was investments I made in improving my life that had the biggest impact on dating anyway. You can’t memorize a pickup…
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Being Someone’s Everything Is Not Enough – You Have Needs Too
Just because you can make someone happy and be their everything doesn’t mean they can give you what you need too. This can be confusing at first, because it feels really good to be someone’s perfect fit…but that doesn’t mean they are yours. Being the best partner someone else has ever had is nice for…
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Hate Being Alone? You Might Need a Pet More Than a Partner
My therapist told me to get a cat. I didn’t understand why until I got into my next relationship. And when it got worse and worse, and when kept putting off the breakup, I realized if I’d had a nice cat at home I wouldn’t mind not having a partner. Partners and cats are not…
Millennial Anxiety 