Think about the best and strongest people you know. What kind of lives did they lead that took them to where they are now? Their lives had suffering, pain, uncertainty, and self-doubt, just like everyone else. They had times they didn’t know how they would get to tomorrow. Times every bit as dark as you feel right now.

I bring this up because I think you see pain as a sign you’re failing. A sign that you messed up, that you’re not good enough, that you didn’t have what it took. There’s a mountain that you keep trying to climb and you slip and fall and slide down and cannot seem to make it to the top. I think you feel dark and broken and miserable right now, and this one mountain is all you can see.

But we just said that the people we look up to went through dark days also. They felt this low and they made it out the other side. And in my own life I’ve noticed that the scar tissue is the strongest part of me. The things I’m the best at are what I had to teach myself in order to survive hard times. I’m good at figuring things out on my own because I haven’t had many people to look up to. I’m good at reading people’s emotions because of toxic work environments where you were either careful or got publicly humiliated. I learned those skills because I had to, and dark days created the strongest parts of me.

Have you seen that in your own life? I’m not asking if you like your scars. And I’m not saying be grateful for the pain you feel now either. But can you see how some of the strongest parts of yourself were learned from dark days like today? Do you have knowledge or talents or a sense of humor or a perspective that others don’t have, because they haven’t climbed the same mountains you have?

What about your compassion? Does your heart go out to people going through things you used to struggle with? Think about someone going through the school stress or relationship pains or family struggles that you know so well. How much do you wish you could pull them to the top of that unforgiving mountain you once struggled with? Show them the path, warn them not to repeat your mistakes, tell them where the dangers are? That compassion within you came from your own suffering. It wasn’t pre-installed on your brain, it wasn’t taught in school. It’s scar tissue from your journey that will always be a part of you. Not a scar we enjoy getting, but an important part of us nonetheless.

This post can’t remove your pain, and it can’t show you how to get to the top of the mountain you’re trying to climb now. It is just a reminder that suffering has whatever meaning you give it. And if your past suffering made you stronger, more compassionate, more understanding, then this suffering probably will too. What you are going through now is not a punishment, it’s not a failure, and it’s not the end. It’s just one more step towards the next version of you, a stronger version.