How much time do you spend twisted up in hateful thoughts? Imagining all the vicious comebacks you could say or vengeful things you could do to someone? And be honest…how much time do you think that person spends thinking about you?

Is this the life you want? To spend all your time thinking about someone you don’t even like? To poison lots of beautiful spring days with upsetting thoughts and dark intentions? How many nice walks or pleasant meals could you have had where you chose hate instead?

The more I listen to my thoughts the more I know this needs to change. The arguments I rehearse in the shower, the festering thoughts while I’m driving, the poison that ruins so many happy moments. I need a higher quality life than this. I need to be able to enjoy days instead of spending them thinking about people I don’t like. Those thoughts will never solve any problems and there’s so many things I’d rather be thinking about. I want to get that negativity out of my head.

The truth is I don’t think we ever get to turn off thoughts like these 100%. I don’t think that part is up to us. But we can get better at noticing them. And noticing them is the first step towards putting them down and thinking about better things instead. Let’s let go of these grudges. I still don’t like the people who wronged me, but drinking this poison isn’t helping anyone.

Additional resources: If this post resonated with you then I think you’d get a lot out of the Waking Up app by Sam Harris. It’s great for learning mindfulness, improving emotional regulation, and there’s a lot of guest lectures in addition to the guided meditations. I still get lost in resentment at times, but I catch myself and escape those cycles much faster now. The world is full of assholes, so if there’s any skill worth learning it’s cutting down the hours we argue with them in our heads.