Author: Matthew Voss
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Accepting Yourself Is Hard. Not Accepting Yourself Is Harder.
How many times have you tried to change who you are? How many books have you read? How many times have you forced yourself to do things you hate? How many times have you done things because other people said they were important, and you hated it and got nothing out of it? I ask…
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Everything Is Hard, but What’s Worth the Effort?
Being in a relationship is hard. Being alone is hard. Improving yourself is hard. Feeling stagnant is hard. Excelling at a job you’re passionate about is hard. Drifting through a job you hate is hard. Choose the path you’ll be proud you took later. It’s all hard anyway. The part of this that makes me…
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Why I Write
I’ve chased the wrong things in relationships that lasted too long. I’ve cut myself to shreds putting other people’s wants before my own needs. I’ve seen countless people I care about lost in painful loops when the advice they needed was available in a book no one gave them. The human experience is having people…
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Your Self Image Needs a Bigger Sample Size
A thought experiment occurred to me: Pick 6 people who know you best, and summarize things they’ve said about you into a paragraph. Write another paragraph of how you view yourself. How different does it look from the others? Let’s find out, here’s my results. J’s thoughts W’s thoughts W’s thoughts R’s thoughts J’s thoughts…
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I Want To Look Like a Greek God, but That’s Not What Greek Goddesses Like
I don’t feel envy often, but damn did I envy this muscular Greek man in his little bathing suit. He had the six-pack I’ve been failing to get for years, the tan, the confidence to wear that swimsuit. Meanwhile, I’m so insecure about my body that I cross my arms when sitting in beach chairs…
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Compassion Feels Good, Take a Chance on It
A friend of mine was hesitant about trying out volunteering. They were anxious about the social awkwardness, how much they would actually help, what if they looked dumb, etc. You know what anxiety is like. The analogy that occurred to me is if there were a bunch of people drowning. You have some life jackets,…
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Put Down the Painkiller
What do you use to escape the pain? Alcohol? Video games for distraction? Sex to get lost in pleasure? Food delivery dopamine detour away from your problems? Put it down. Not just because they are bad for you. Not just because of all the cliche reasons for drug and alcohol and food addiction. Put them…
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What Would You Do if Other People’s Feelings Didn’t Matter?
What would you do if other people’s feelings didn’t matter? If it was just up to you. Other people’s feelings do matter of course, but they shouldn’t make you forget your own. To combat this we can make an “if only” list and think about only your wants. Forget offending people, annoying them, disappointing, hurting…
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You Can Be the Ripest, Juiciest Peach in the World, and There’s Still Going to Be Somebody Who Hates Peaches.
I’m a planner. I like doing research, making spreadsheets, to-do lists, and have an optimized daily schedule with my top 8 self-care routines. I’ve also been called boring, monotonous, robotic, and “sloth-like,” most of those from women I was dating. Ouch. And those criticisms made me assume there was something wrong with me, even though…
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Why Do You Put Yourself Last?
What do you usually get in return, when you put yourself last? When you give up your plans, your needs, and put other people first time and time again? Do they appreciate it? Are they always there for you like you are for them? These questions might sting, but I think they are worth asking…
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Some People Can’t Be Saved
How many nights have you stayed awake worrying about someone you’re trying to save? How many times were you so anxious about them you couldn’t eat? How many long texts did you send or nights did you stay up for hours on the phone trying to do the right thing? How many hundreds of hours…
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Breakups Aren’t Failures
A relationship ending because two people cannot be happy together is not failure. Ending the relationship because they want different things, or because both people’s needs cannot be met isn’t failure – it’s actually progress. That’s facing the reality that the relationship can’t work and moving on. Failure is a relationship continuing to exist when…
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Everyone Is Just Trying to Feel Okay, Limited by the Tools They Have Learned
This is a life hack to deal with people who piss you off. Let’s take for example someone who goes off the rails during a meeting. They attack others unfairly, chew people out, and make everyone else less productive. You could say they are a bad person if you want to. You could say they…
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Unlearning “If You’re Not Likable, You Have to Be Useful”
Is it hard to say no, when someone asks you for help? Is it hard to ask others for help, in your darkest moments? Are you afraid people will abandon you if you inconvenience them? Yeah…me too. I’m a people pleaser. I love being helpful and I never ask anyone for anything…I thought that’s what…
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Struggle Isn’t Failure. It’s the Only Path to Strength.
Think about the best and strongest people you know. What kind of lives did they lead that took them to where they are now? Their lives had suffering, pain, uncertainty, and self-doubt, just like everyone else. They had times they didn’t know how they would get to tomorrow. Times every bit as dark as you…
Millennial Anxiety 