Author: Matthew Voss
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Holding a Grudge Is Like Drinking Poison and Waiting for the Other Person to Die
How much time do you spend twisted up in hateful thoughts? Imagining all the vicious comebacks you could say or vengeful things you could do to someone? And be honest…how much time do you think that person spends thinking about you? Is this the life you want? To spend all your time thinking about someone…
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You’re Overthinking Again
There is a time and place for thought, but it’s not all the time and everywhere. For example, the main problems in my life currently are: Need to end a dysfunctional relationship Need to apply to a bunch of projects at work Finish certification study, take the test Those are pretty direct activities. Well structured,…
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Winning Does Not Look Like You Think It Does
Don’t visualize “winning” as standing at a finish line with a trophy. It’s not the last step of a race and it’s not the last penny of some financial goal of yours. That is bad mental framing because they are singular events that don’t happen often. I think you should think about “winning” using a…
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Learn to Find the Sweet in Bittersweet
Attempting and learning new things is important, but that means failing sometimes. Trying new social situations and meeting new people is important, but that sometimes means feeling awkward, uncertain, anxious. Setting and working on goals is important, but that can also mean feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Learning better ways to do things is important, but…
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Life Lessons from Hamilton: Acceptance
I absolutely love the musical Hamilton, and these lines from the protagonist’s wife hit me like a sack of bricks. Her husband is relentlessly working all the time, obsessed with the goals he has, and never able to slow down. Look around, look around Look at where you are Look at where you started The…
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Some Goals Get Easier When You Overshoot
Have you heard the fable of the old man who wished his creaky little house was quieter? He was advised to get a chicken, horse, and cow, and let them live inside his house for a week. It was insufferably chaotic for a week, but then after they left the house seemed silent in comparison.…
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Adding Effort to Your Comfort Zone Doesn’t Fix Stagnation. New Challenges Do.
Walk to the highest hill you can see. Climb until you get to the top. Sweat, crawl, scramble, and drag yourself until you can go no higher. It felt good at first, didn’t it? Succeeding in challenging goals often feels like conquering Mt Everest. Good job, you earned it! But what then? You can’t climb…
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You Aren’t Doing Worse Than Everyone Else, Their Problems Just Look Farther Away
The CEO of your company is heartbroken that his kids don’t call on fathers’ day. The woman in front of you in the check-out line thinks she’s a failure because she isn’t who her mom expected her to be, even though her job pays the bills and makes her happy. Your parents can’t admit it,…
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Tension Doesn’t Always Mean Failure. Sometimes It Means Balance.
Have you ever seen a cell phone tower? The really tall ones secured using tension wires? All the wires pull hard in different directions so that the tower stays perfectly centered. If you want to build something really tall, that’s one of the best ways to keep it balanced. I don’t know about you, but…
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Which “Life Chart” Are You Using?
I woke up feeling like shit again today. I think I was upset that I’m turning 30 and my love life looks like Michael Bay directed it. Maybe I was fussy because I live on tacos and curry and for some reason, it hasn’t given me a six-pack yet. The exact cause is uncertain, but…
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Pain Doesn’t Mean You’re Broken, It Means It’s Time for a Change
Most people’s dissatisfactions with life are evergreen. Your weight, relationship, career, mental health, and family issues aren’t things you can fix once and never worry about again. They’re more like changing the oil in your car or taking out the trash. Kind of annoying but inseparable parts of the human experience. The rent we pay…
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Serenity Comes From the Growth Zone
Serenity is not the absence of problems. It’s not like you finally have enough money or find a partner or get promoted and all your problems are gone – our brains don’t work like that. For your ancestors to survive they had to constantly scan their environment for predators, prey, and shelter. I’m sorry, but…
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Self Improvement, Dating, and How to Know When You’re Ready
There’s a lot of dating life hacks and seduction pseudoscience peddled as quick fixes for a lonely life, and not only is it disingenuine and gross, it also doesn’t work. In my experience, it was investments I made in improving my life that had the biggest impact on dating anyway. You can’t memorize a pickup…
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Being Someone’s Everything Is Not Enough – You Have Needs Too
Just because you can make someone happy and be their everything doesn’t mean they can give you what you need too. This can be confusing at first, because it feels really good to be someone’s perfect fit…but that doesn’t mean they are yours. Being the best partner someone else has ever had is nice for…
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What Acceptance Is, What It Is Not, and Why You Need It
There are two traps most people fall into with non-acceptance. Active Non-Acceptance is a self-hatred fueled work marathon Passive Non-Acceptance is reclusive miserable isolation. Both of those label where we are as inadequate or unsatisfactory. One grasps erratically for reasons to feel better and one crawls in a hole to hide. Do you feel called…
Millennial Anxiety 